Post by Triia on Oct 17, 2009 9:24:01 GMT -5
Dear Fergus,
It amazes me how many things remind me of you. You weren’t there when I got home this morning. You didn’t come up and rub yourself, cat-like, against my leg and stretch extravagantly with that funny “yooowwwp” you’d do. I expected it, even though the last few months, you’d often not rise from your warm bed. It had become such an effort, I know.
I walked into the kitchen and looked into the backyard where I won’t get to see you run those manic circles after you had a bath or bark at impertinent squirrels, your ears flying out behind you. I’ll miss that determination. That certainty you had, even after your eyes started to become cloudy, that one of these days, you’d get those squirrels. You’d make them pay.
I remember once, a long, long time ago, when I felt so terribly abandoned, how every night you’d lie in bed with me, your back curled warmly against mine. You went everywhere with me and kept a close eye on me. I knew I mattered to someone.
I’m so sorry I didn’t get to spend more time with you, these last couple of years. I was so focused on school that I feel I neglected you terribly. I’ll always regret that I never took you out to Highland Rec for more hikes. I hope you’re happy now. I hope you have lots of room to run, squirrels to chase and scratches on that special place on your neck that was always itchy.
I’ll miss your enormous dark eyes, willing me to bring you back in the house on a cold day or give you my last bite of dinner. I’ll miss scratching your back in that way that made you dance and how you had that way of lying on the floor, slowly, pensively scratching your ear and staring off into the distance as though you were thinking terribly deep, important thoughts. I’ll miss the way your ears would flop outwards when you’d look straight up at something, and how soft and silky they were.
I hope you know I was there at the end. I hope it comforted you and made you feel safe. I stayed with you and stroked your ears, even though I knew you didn't feel it anymore. It hurt so bad to leave you there and it still hurts now to miss you here at home. But I have wonderful memories of you and I hope you had some too, in your own doggy way. I hope you know I loved you.
You were a Good Dog, Fergus, and I’ll always love you.
It amazes me how many things remind me of you. You weren’t there when I got home this morning. You didn’t come up and rub yourself, cat-like, against my leg and stretch extravagantly with that funny “yooowwwp” you’d do. I expected it, even though the last few months, you’d often not rise from your warm bed. It had become such an effort, I know.
I walked into the kitchen and looked into the backyard where I won’t get to see you run those manic circles after you had a bath or bark at impertinent squirrels, your ears flying out behind you. I’ll miss that determination. That certainty you had, even after your eyes started to become cloudy, that one of these days, you’d get those squirrels. You’d make them pay.
I remember once, a long, long time ago, when I felt so terribly abandoned, how every night you’d lie in bed with me, your back curled warmly against mine. You went everywhere with me and kept a close eye on me. I knew I mattered to someone.
I’m so sorry I didn’t get to spend more time with you, these last couple of years. I was so focused on school that I feel I neglected you terribly. I’ll always regret that I never took you out to Highland Rec for more hikes. I hope you’re happy now. I hope you have lots of room to run, squirrels to chase and scratches on that special place on your neck that was always itchy.
I’ll miss your enormous dark eyes, willing me to bring you back in the house on a cold day or give you my last bite of dinner. I’ll miss scratching your back in that way that made you dance and how you had that way of lying on the floor, slowly, pensively scratching your ear and staring off into the distance as though you were thinking terribly deep, important thoughts. I’ll miss the way your ears would flop outwards when you’d look straight up at something, and how soft and silky they were.
I hope you know I was there at the end. I hope it comforted you and made you feel safe. I stayed with you and stroked your ears, even though I knew you didn't feel it anymore. It hurt so bad to leave you there and it still hurts now to miss you here at home. But I have wonderful memories of you and I hope you had some too, in your own doggy way. I hope you know I loved you.
You were a Good Dog, Fergus, and I’ll always love you.
